For those that are curious, I have an update on the dating experiment. Yes, the experiment has continued and I have now come to a conclusion:
Dating is a lot of hard work.
They like me, I don't like them. I like them, they don't like me. And who was it that said a first date is like a job interview with drinks? I couldn't agree more.
To coin one of my favourite phrases, I just really don't know if I can be bothered anymore.
And the stupid thing about it, is that it is making me miss all my ex-boyfriends (well, not ALL my exs, let's be clear, but the good ones at least). It certainly makes me appreciate how easy it was with each of them -- especially in comparison to how not easy it is to start fresh. I never had to work at this so much before. It always just kinda found me.
So where does that leave me? The good ones don't require work but in London, if I don't work at it, I don't find the good ones.
I know where it leaves me.
Needing that holiday.
4 comments:
I hear ya sister! Is there any way one can take a paid dating holiday?
Perhaps I'm just demonstrating the level of my nerdiness, but I googled the phrase about first dates and job interviews with drinks and most of the references were British. Maybe you need to remember your roots. Maybe I'm too "culture-centric" but I can imagine a pretty American girl in London could be similar to a pretty girl in Alaska...it might not take all the effort.
Of course, there is always that whole theory that when you least expect it you'll find exactly what you're looking for. (However I have noticed, London doesn't always operate on theories, regularity, and the norm.)
Be selfish for awhile, it's ok to do it and hey, someone might be attracted to that too.
As a veteran of the dating thing, I have my usual practical advice.
A good first date has no expectations on either side. Just find enough common ground to laugh and have fun.
I also don't believe in this "let's get coffee" crap. No guts, no glory, I say. Go for the full dinner and drinks. If it's painful, you have a war story to share on your next date. If it's great, you're making breakfast and, as we all know, that's the most important meal of the day. Any chick who insists on "getting coffee" doesn't get to go out with me.
I have a few other rules...
First, whoever asks, offers to pay. That said, a self-respecting guy will not let a woman pay for a first date. Call me old-fashioned, but that's the way it is. Guys pay.
Let's move on to the phone number thing. Guys have to call. None of this, "Let's exchange email" (or IM, or phone numbers, or lat/long coordinates). Guys have to ask for the number, and they have to call. Period. No email, no IM, nothing too convenient. A guy needs to call, because nothing (and I do mean nothing) is more nerve-wracking than the first phone call. Even the getting number part is easier because you're usually blitzed out of your mind in a bar. The first phone number is validation of your ego, that you were as charming and sophisticated on Friday night as you thought you were.
They have to call when they say they will. I get a number, I say, "I'll call you on Monday because I'm taking my dog to the vet on Sunday" (or going to a Redskins game, or whatever the hell it is). "Call when they say they will" equals "will do what they say they will do." Pretty easy.
Moving on...
Guys never, ever, ever leave a message on the voice mail. In this day and age of caller ID, the chick knows you just called. The dude has to call, get a live voice, and talk to the live voice. He gets to call twice, then the phone number goes in the shredder. No one phone screens me and anyone who does, doesn't get to go out with me.
Alright, the first convo. The guy needs to say, "Let's go out on a date" or something equally unambiguous. Any guy who wants to "hang out" is a spineless wimp. No guy wants to "hang out". Guys want one thing and one thing only, and we all know what that is. If he can't say, "Let's go out on a date", he isn't going to take control when the real fun happens, and that's not fun for anyone.
He also needs to say, "Let's get dinner at 8pm on Wednesday at [blah]", where "blah" is a local restaurant that has character and flair. Note the specificity of the date, time, and location. That's a dude in charge. The chick is allowed exactly one "I'm busy that day". Any more, and you're too busy for me.
Onwards...the first date. The chick has to be interesting and able to hold her end of a conversation. I love Barbie dolls just like every guy, but Barbie dolls are great for looking at, not so great for dining with or going on a road trip with or bumping uglies with. As the Prashant Scouts say, "Be interesting": the single most important mantra of a date.
Ditto for the dude, but (it bears noting, given that I live in Lumberjack City) the dude has to be showered and groomed. And if he's wearing socks and sandals, he's either quirky and eccentric and altogether charming, or a complete doofus. Proceed at your discretion.
I think that's my fill of dating advice for today.
Post a Comment