An Open Letter to the Drivers of Seattle -

*Warning: RANT ON*

Dear Seattle Public,
How are you? It's been a while since we chatted. I hope things are going well. I know you made it safely to work today. In fact, that's what I'd like to have a little chat about. Today, on my way to work, I encountered no less than SIX DRIVERS in a span of 30 minutes (that's one every 5 minutes or so) who didn't know what they were doing on the roadway. This is a serious issue. We need to have a little chat. Would the following drivers please report to Driver Ed? You can stop by my house for an arse whooping first:

1. Parked in the Traffic Lane Guy - DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN that says NO PARKING in that lane from 6 am - 9 am? Clearly not. Thanks for screwing up everyone's mojo.
2. Not Going to Let You Into My Lane Guy - you suck. It's a residential street and some idiot parked in one of the 2 driving lanes. You see him parked there. You see me trying to get over. Don't be a dick, Dick. Yes, I am going to force my way over. Go ahead and honk. You suck. Oh, and your girlfriend is UHGLEEEE.
3. Delivery Van Who Doesn't Know How to Merge - These two lanes become one lane. That means you proceed and take turns with the cars in the other lane to merge into one lane. That does not mean you come to a complete stop (where do you see a Stop sign? Please explain.) and let ALL OF THE OTHER TRAFFIC GO first. That means you go. They go. YOU GO. They go. YOU GO. SO GO!!!!
4. Changing Lanes Recklessly and Fast With No Blinker in Jammed Freeway Traffic Guy - you are going to cause an accident. Seriously. I hope your car gets totalled.
5. Don't Know How to Exit Girl - When you see two cars, travelling at about 65 mph, and they are in your lane traveling at a relatively close distance, and you see that there is a completely OPEN lane behind them, it is WRONG to place your car directly in between them in the lane next to them and sit with your blinker on. Ease off the gas honey. Slide in behind. You can do it. Stupid cow.
6. Don't Know How to Change Lanes Guy - Alternatively, when I am travelling a decent distance behind the guy in front of me, and I am letting you over, GET THE HELL OVER. Don't sit there with your blinker on and try to decide for a good 5 minutes. I realize you've probably been driving next to Not Going to Let You Into My Lane Guy and had a bad experience but hey, we're not all like that. A little awareness is all I am asking for.

And finally, to Everyone Out There Driving a Car Anywhere in the World, HANG UP YOUR DAMN MOBILE PHONE. You're driving like an idiot and pissing us all the hell off.

Yes, that includes you.

Thank you for your time and attention in this important matter. With a little extra attention, a bit of space in between us and you getting the hell out of my way, I think we can all just get along. I have a good feeling about this.

Sincerely,
ReckenRoll