In Memory of John Hughes

Emily and I can recite 16 Candles from beginning to end. We can recite it in our sleep. We can recite it drunk or sober. And why not? 16 Candles contains the wisdom of the ages. For instance:

• Fresh breath should be a priority in all of our lives
• Eating carrots doesn't necessarily make your breasts grow but Mr T is indeed a good back up choice should no one else want to marry you.
• Female aliens have 3 tits
• Talking dirty to your potential date's grandmother is not recommended
• Don't take 4 painkillers on your wedding day
• If crushes were easy they would call them something else.
• ALWAYS help your prom queen
• And not many girls in contemporary American society would give up their underwear to help a geek.

Jake: These are really hers?
Farmer Ted: Yeah.
Jake: How did you get 'em?
Farmer Ted: She gave 'em to me.
Jake: Did you...?
Farmer Ted: No! She cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cats meow!
Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
Farmer Ted: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they shit, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics. I'm telling you.
Jake: I thought she hated my guts.
Farmer Ted: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
Jake: You better not be dicking me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
Farmer Ted: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way, what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake: I'll kick your ass.
Farmer Ted: Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.